Our First Chat
After all the steps that lead us to therapy, the first toe in the water is contacting a therapist. You might be at the edge, looking into the water as you’re reading this article. Sometimes seeing what’s down there can make that first contact feel easier.
Past that first reach-out, the next step is a consultation call – a bit like dipping the whole foot in to actually feel the temperature. It’s a chance for you to decide if you’d like to work with me based on an actual conversation, rather than just bio pages and articles; thinking about swimming can feel quite a bit different with a foot in the water than it does from looking at a photograph.
Folks often feel a little nervous about the call. For lots of people, the closest thing in concept may be a job interview or an audition, and that can trigger pressures to try to present themselves in certain ways. Or it might seem like there’s a “right” way to approach it: asking the “right” questions, giving the “right” answers, using the “right” language. Sometimes people don’t feel knowledgeable, and the uncertainty is uncomfortable. Oftentimes couples worry that the goodness in their relationship is going to be overlooked if they lead with its challenges.
There are all sorts of reasons why the call can seem a bit intimidating. There are also plenty of folks who are unfazed, or feel like they’re just checking a box on the way to therapy.
The purpose of this article is to explain what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and to offer some reassurance that we can do it with ease. It’s not a job interview, or an audition. There’s no “wrong” way to approach it, or “wrong” thing to say. There’s no prior knowledge needed. And when couples talk to me, the effort itself is a sign that there are ways they truly cherish their relationship that deserve all this care and attention.
I’ll be walking us through it, and doing my best to make it worth your time. I don’t charge clients for consultation calls.
What is this for?
This is for you! There are certainly important nuts-and-bolts aspects to it; you can take a look at the “roadmap” below if you’d feel better knowing the details. In practice, though, it’s mainly an opportunity to see if you like how it feels to talk to me. It helps you know whether you want to go further. And if not, it hopefully gives you a better sense of what you’re looking for instead.
It’s helpful for me to clarify that the call is not meant to be a deep dive. That’s reassuring to some folks, and might be disappointing for others who are ready to leap in. I’ll be asking for a loose idea of what changes you’re hoping to see in your life, or what got you motivated to speak with me. We try to keep it broad and brief; the details of your life deserve more time and space and connection than I’m able to give them in a short phone call.
But that doesn’t mean the call is stiff and formal, because my style isn’t stiff and formal. It’s meant to be personal; I’m showing up honestly, not trying to persuade you to work with me. You’ll get a sense of how I express ideas, how I show that I’m paying attention, and how I join you in your perspective. You might even see how I move through mix-ups and misunderstandings, or stumbling over my words. I’ll pick up some of these same things from you too, but there will be plenty of time for me to get to know you if you decide to move forward into sessions.
Worth mentioning here is that the call can help you make sure that my kind of therapy is the right fit for your life. Sometimes folks realize they’re wanting something more short-term (ex. SFBT) or more structured (ex. a DBT skills group). Sometimes couples realize they want to get established with individual counselors first. Sometimes an individual realizes that their partner relationship is their main focus, and couples counseling would make more sense.
Lastly, the call is an opportunity to help you navigate any concerns you have about private-pay, or about privacy, clinical factors, and rights regarding insurance.
Do I have to prepare anything?
Simple answer: nope!
That said, there are a couple of things you might find helpful for your own self.
Sometimes at the end, clients are already feeling confident about wanting to move forward with sessions, but their calendar isn’t within reach, or they have big uncertainties about their schedules. This is especially common with couples, who are trying to make two people’s schedules line up. It’s totally okay when this happens, but I find that these clients often wish they didn’t have to take the extra step of following up with me later.
Similarly, sometimes folks don’t feel settled on what they can pay, or aren’t sure how they feel about paying with insurance. Sometimes speaking with me is a necessary part of how they’re able to sort that out, but sometimes they feel more clear on their concerns if they had known some things beforehand; the links in the previous sentence can help with that.
For those who like a plan: the roadmap
What follows here is not a checklist that I mean for you to prepare for. I’m just offering it for folks who would prefer to know what’s coming. The call looks like this:
Hello! Is this still a good time to chat?
What I should call you, if I haven’t learned already
If you have previous experiences with therapy, what felt helpful, and what felt not-so-helpful
What’s bringing you in now
Whether my kind of therapy – long-form, teletherapy (video), starting out weekly – is what you’re looking for
Quick confirmation that video calls are doable for you
Our availability, and what appointment times might work
How we’re approaching payment
Pinning down a recurrent session time, or joining my waitlist, or – if something’s not working or feeling right to you – referrals out to other therapists
Reassurance that I’ll be checking in on how you’re feeling about the match, and that you can always change course
Scheduling the actual first session
For couple’s counseling, I’ll be asking for the info of the other partner, whose email and phone number I don’t have
Next steps: how to complete the paperwork before the first session
How cancellation works
Opening up for questions or less structured conversation
As you can see, there’s a whole plan that hopefully covers all of our bases. Sometimes the conversation naturally carries us through things in a different order; I’ll just follow that natural flow.
In closing:
I hope I’ve set some minds at ease. In a nutshell, the consultation call is a low-stakes place to figure out if you want to go further. There’s no judgment, no false pretenses, and no “wrong” way to have it. For those who are on the fence about reaching out, I hope your curiosity can take the lead. And for those who already have, I look forward to chatting with you!